The Advice shared by A Father Which Saved Us when I became a First-Time Parent

"I think I was simply trying to survive for twelve months."

Former reality TV star Ryan Libbey anticipated to manage the demands of being a father.

But the truth quickly became "very different" to what he'd imagined.

Serious health complications during the birth resulted in his partner Louise being hospitalised. Abruptly he was thrust into becoming her main carer as well as caring for their infant son Leo.

"I took on each nighttime feed, every nappy change… every stroll. The duty of both parents," Ryan explained.

Following eleven months he became exhausted. It was a conversation with his own dad, on a park bench, that led him to understand he couldn't do it alone.

The direct words "You aren't in a good place. You require assistance. What can I do to support you?" created an opening for Ryan to talk openly, seek support and regain his footing.

His experience is far from unique, but rarely discussed. Although the public is now better used to addressing the pressure on mums and about PND, far less attention is paid about the challenges new fathers go through.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to ask for help

Ryan feels his challenges are linked to a larger reluctance to communicate amongst men, who still internalise damaging notions of manhood.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the harbour wall that just gets hit and stays upright time and again."

"It's not a sign of failure to request help. I failed to do that fast enough," he adds.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert specialising in mental health surrounding childbirth, notes men often don't want to acknowledge they're finding things difficult.

They can feel they are "not justified to be asking for help" - especially ahead of a new mother and infant - but she emphasises their mental health is just as important to the household.

Ryan's conversation with his dad offered him the chance to request a break - spending a few days abroad, away from the domestic setting, to gain perspective.

He understood he required a shift to focus on his and his partner's emotions as well as the logistical chores of looking after a infant.

When he was honest with Louise, he realised he'd missed "what she longed for" -physical connection and hearing her out.

Self-parenting

That epiphany has reshaped how Ryan perceives fatherhood.

He's now writing Leo weekly letters about his feelings as a dad, which he hopes his son will look at as he grows up.

Ryan hopes these will enable his son to better grasp the expression of emotional life and interpret his decisions as a father.

The concept of "reparenting" is something artist Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen lacked stable male parenting. Even with having an "wonderful" relationship with his dad, deep-held difficult experiences meant his father found it hard to cope and was "in and out" of his life, making difficult their relationship.

Stephen says suppressing emotions resulted in him make "terrible choices" when younger to change how he felt, finding solace in substance use as an escape from the hurt.

"You turn to things that aren't helpful," he explains. "They may briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will ultimately make things worse."

Advice for Managing as a First-Time Parent

• Share with someone - if you're feeling overwhelmed, speak to a friend, your other half or a counsellor how you're feeling. This can to ease the pressure and make you feel more supported.
• Maintain your passions - keep doing the activities that allowed you to feel like you before becoming a parent. It could be going for a run, socialising or gaming.
• Don't ignore the body - a good diet, staying active and if you can, resting, all contribute in how your emotional health is doing.
• Meet other first-time fathers - listening to their experiences, the challenges, and also the positive moments, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Understand that asking for help does not mean you've failed - prioritising you is the optimal method you can support your household.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen understandably had difficulty processing the passing, having been out of touch with him for many years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's resolved not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his child and instead provide the safety and emotional guidance he lacked.

When his son threatens to have a tantrum, for example, they try "releasing the emotion" together - processing the emotions safely.

Each of Ryan and Stephen explain they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they confronted their pain, transformed how they communicate, and learned to manage themselves for their kids.

"I have improved at… dealing with things and managing things," states Stephen.

"I expressed that in a note to Leo recently," Ryan shares. "I wrote, on occasion I believe my role is to instruct and tell you how to behave, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I am discovering just as much as you are on this path."